...And Done?

"Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.
'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat.
'I don't know,' Alice answered.
'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter."

From Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

Yesterday was the last day of class for my MA. How on earth did that happen? It's been almost seven months since I arrived here and so much, but also so little, has changed.

When I first came to the UK I didn't really know if I'd be able to pull this off. I hadn't been a student for almost seven years! How on earth could I find a way to do it again? First I hadn't read an academic text or "theory" in years, second I hadn't written academically since my third year in undergrad, and finally I had been the teacher in almost every class I'd entered since returning to Minnesota. Where would my place be in this new and strange world?

What helped me during those first weeks was that I was not alone - everyone felt lost and confused (really dazed and confused but I really don't want people to assume thing about my activities based on that steller film), even the ones who tried to hide it with confidence and bravado cracked under the pressure from time to time.

On one hand this is the beginning of the end, and also a beginning. In many ways these next five months are going to be the true test of my academic endurance. I have nothing to do, and everything to do. It's a strange and difficult concept.

For me the most helpful thing that is keeping me focused is my dissertation supervisor. She's not loved by most - fine, I'll be honest - any of my friends because she's never approaches anything gently and can be downright mean if she doesn't like you. I, however, haven't ever experienced that side of her. What's great is how she's forcefully keeping me on track. While other people with dissertations are focusing on a long off 'end of June' draft deadline, Emma has already had me turn in an outline and my first 1,000 words. She's expecting a draft of at least half by the end of April. gulp. That deadline is real and scary, but because it freaks me out so much I'm on the ball with research. While part of me is having a panic attack about how soon it is, the rest of me realizes that I am extremely lucky to have someone behind me, shoving me to get work done early so I can really solidify my argument and polish my prose (here's the draw back of being an English Literature student - you gotta write well, not just make good points. What was I thinking? History would be so much easier!).

The biggest surprise, one that I could never have predicted when I first came here, is how much time I've spent working on my creative writing. The connections I've made with other writers and growth I've seen in my own writing is mind-blowing. Anyone who knows me would agree that I've always been very pragmatic. Teaching is a stable job - for crying out loud, I have a job promised to me when I get back to Minnesota! Writing, however, is a more unstable an income than acting. Because of these aspects I've always written for myself and not really attempted to do more. My colleague (that is how I see my friends in the anthology endeavor) have encouraged me and inspired me to share and develop my creative self and I've learned so much about who I am. The biggest thing I've learn can be summarized by a message I got from Leena "You are a good writer, but you are a phenomenal editor!" This term I've had the most fun editing and working with the other writers to develop and fine-tune their stories and ideas. If only there was a job out there that'd let me do that for a living...oh, wait...there is! Sadly, every wannabe writer wants to work at a publishing house. Because of my time with my writing circle here, I know that I won't be lacking quality work to edit - and I won't even get paid for it! How thrilling! Be in all seriousness, I've realized that I feel almost as much satisfaction from the success of those I've helped than I do in my own achievements. And I know, when I look back on my time at Warwick, it won't be my marks that I'll remember but the relationships I've made and the lives I've impacted. (Feel free to insert HERE a sigh or groan as you feel is appropriate)

While the formal aspect of my degree is complete, my adventure is really just developing momentum.