Communication Across Time and Space

"'Hey Meg! Communication implies sound. Communion doesn't.' He sent her a brief image of walking silently through the woods, the two of them alone together, their feet almost noiseless on the rusty carpet of pine needles. They walked without speaking, without touching, and yet they were as close as it is possible for two human beings to be. They climbed up through the woods, coming out into the brilliant sunlight at the top of the hill. A few sumac trees showed their rusty candles. Mountain laurel, shiny, so dark a green the leaves seemed black in the fierceness of sunlight, pressed toward the woods. Meg and Calvin had stretched out in the thick, late-summer grass, lying on their backs, gazing up into the shimmering blue of sky, a vault interrupted only by a few small clouds.
And she had been as happy, she remembered, as it is possible to be, and as close to Calvin as she had ever been to anybody in her life, even Charles Wallace, so close that their separate bodies, daisies and buttercups joining rather than dividing them, seemed a single enjoyment of summer and sun and each other.
That was surely the purest kind of kything.
Mr. Jenkins had never had that kind of communion with another human being, a communion so rich and full that silence speaks more powerfully than words."
From A Wind in the Door By Madeleine L'Engle

As a person who has lived overseas before - though for a shorter period of time - I've come to appreciate the new technology available to keep me connected with family and friends back home. When I studied in Scotland during my undergrad I only had email, 'snail mail,' Facebook, and the phone (a land line because I chose not to have a mobile phone for only three months considering I didn't even have one in the US). That was almost ten years ago. My how things have changed!

This time around the same options are available (except the land line, my flat doesn't even have a phone line installed!) plus a few new ones. I, of course, have a mobile phone. Unlike during my undergrad I've developed an unhealthy reliance with the thing and can't go a weekend, let alone a year without the dastardly thing. And then there is Skype, the mother-load when it comes to international communication.

My favorite addition to the phone situation (other than the whole smartphone revolution) is a program called WhatsApp. For Android users the first year is free, then it's 99 cents per year after that, for iPhone users it's 99 cents. This amazing little app allows you to use the internet to send texts - to anyone. Really, anyone! Well, I guess they need a smartphone but considering that my mom has one now (and she was extremely resistant to moving beyond a flip phone) than I'll assume that most people have also transitioned. It doesn't matter what country your phone number is from, just make sure the country code is there (sometime it take a little playing around) and bam! You can text with friends and family no matter where they are located. I've used it the most with my sister and a few close friends. It's so much easier and faster than anything else out there when you just want to share something that you know that person would enjoy or ask a quick question. It brings them closer, you know? Instead of feeling the four thousand miles the separate us it feels like they are in the same town.

The most drastic change in technology since last time I studied in the UK is Skype. I honestly don't know when it came into existence but it certainly wasn't common if it was around back then. To give you some perspective on how much has changed in the last ten years, when I was in Scotland I had to go to the computer lap to use the internet because there wasn't a high speed connection in my room (I'll admit my flat was in a building that hadn't been updated, but I don't even thing the University had WiFi at that time). Now, I can sit in whatever room I want in my house in Coventry or almost anywhere on campus and be connected to University provided internet. Last week I sat outside with my laptop and Skyped with my sister. Crazy.

While I enjoy the opportunity to connected with people via Skype, I have concluded that I really don't enjoy it at all. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to see and talk with friends and family. Especially seeing the two daughters of my good friends. They would never have the patience to talk to me on the phone, but seeing me on the computer screen and being able to show me their new toys, dresses, and dances is something they can understand (though they don't get why I can't come over and play - it breaks my heart). Yet let's think about how awkward Skyping really is - I mean, it's the worst of both worlds when you think about it.

First, it's kinda like talking on the phone, because well, you're not in the same room as the person. So the great thing about a phone conversation is that you don't have to stay in one place or even stay completely focused. Not saying that my friend/family doesn't deserve my full attention but having the option to move around and do something physically is nice to have. I have a friend who lives in Georgia and once a year or so we have a phone call that lasts upwards of two hours. It's great, I really enjoy it. But sitting with a phone pressed to my ear doing nothing except talk causes me to get a bit stir crazy. Often when I'm on the phone I'll cook, play computer games, even clean (as long as the vacuum isn't involved). And to be honest, I often look like a homeless person who stuck my finger in power socket when I'm bumming around the house - no one needs to see that! None of this is possible during a Skype call because - well, they can see you! It feels rude! (Not saying that I haven't Skyped with a friend while making dinner but it was awkward). While it's nice to see the non-verbal responses and make faces in response to things they say, I have more than once not been upset when the connection was too weak to support a video call and we just talk.

On the flip side of the coin it is also not as nice as face to face (but I have yet to find a type of technological connection that can best actually being with a person, but maybe I'm old fashioned). So, when Skyping I can almost pretend I'm in the same room as the person. Yet key things are missing. For me the worst is that I feel that I have to fill the silence. When spending time with a friend I don't have to talk continuously. In reality the friends who I can just sit and be with are some of the best. No pressure to entertain but just enjoy their company. This is not the case when Skyping. Silence, no matter who I am talking to, is awkward and I feel I have to fill the dead air with rambling (not that it's a skill at which I lack, it's just one that I really shouldn't be developing). Plus in real conversations I can get up and do something while still talking (see the above paragraph for my rant on that) but since all they can see of me is what is in the purview of the little camera on the top of the monitor, I feel stuck. With that I also feel that I need to make eye contact at all times. This in itself is strange because the camera is just above the screen, so you are making eye contact with what's just below real eye contact. Does that make sense? It's strange and awkward.

Yet I've always wanted to do a Skype meal - à la How I Meet Your Mother. It's even more apropos because Marshall's family is in Minnesota too, but I digress. For all my whining about Skyping I have to admit I don't think I could have survived this long sans personal contact with family and friends without it. It may be a strange way to keep in touch, but it's the best option I have. While I'm missing out on so much of the lives of those two little girls, I still get to see them and talk to them - even if right now I'm hankering for a hug (really, can anything beat a hug from a child, their little arms wrapped around your neck?). What I'm really saying is that nothing, no matter how much technology has advanced, can replace the real experience of being with the people you care about. But I've made my bed, per se, so I have to lay in it.