Saying Goodbye

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
From Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne

Just about everyone has turned in their final essays and dissertations.

The Library is almost empty.

People are starting to pack up and head home or wherever they got a job (if they were lucky enough to get one already).

It hit me that this was the end when my first housemate moved out today.


I've not been especially close to my housemates. They are great when we run into each other in the kitchen, we often talk long past the time when we've finished cooking and eating dinner. When I happen to run into them on campus we wave and sometimes stop to chat. But our relationships are characterized by the fact that one housemate (who I've ridden to campus with) gave me his number the day before he left so I could let him know when I was on my way back from campus (some of the housemates were planning to hang out) and another one I ran into on the bus earlier this week after having not seen him for almost 6 weeks - not all of which was because he was out of town. I wasn't actually sure he was still alive until I saw him. How sad is that?

Yet even with this lack of closeness, the fact that Nils was leaving and I would never see him again hit me. Not so much that I'd miss him - I haven't spent that much time with him for it to come to that - but I suddenly realized most of my friends I'd only see one or two more times before we went our separate ways. Some people I know I'll never see again and that makes me so sad. Some of these people I've spent hundreds of hours with, suffered through some of the greatest stress of our lives, and have come out the other end triumphant.

These people have become my family, but unlike my family (who have to see me once in a while) I don't know when I'll see, or if I'll ever see, these people again. This fact makes my eyes burn and my gut leap in that unpleasant way.

So how do we deal with this? We make plans, we hang out just because we can- not for any special reason. We struggle with every goodbye, making it linger - even if we are going to see each other the next day. We talk about traveling to see each other in our respective countries, with no regard for the amount of time and money so many journeys would be. Logic isn't playing a part, emotions are ruling supreme.

The nail in the coffin of the end is that our coffee guy - Joe - is also leaving. When I say "our coffee guy" I'm not joking. We get upset when we go to the Library Extension (the Ground Floor coffee bar, not the 1st floor one that is closer to where we sutdy, because that's where he works) and he's not there we actually get upset. We've ordered tea because most of the other baristas (though they don't deserve that title!) burn the milk, and tea can't be ruined. It sounds extreme but you would understand if you were here. He's that good - and they are that bad. He told me today that next week is his last before he's "moving on." When I told Anni she looked like she might cry. All she could say was, "I have to tell Manu. He's going to be so upset," then added, "I don't think I can do the PhD now."We take our coffee seriously.

Saying goodbye is never easy, but I think that this time it's going to be one of the most difficult departures I've ever experienced. These people have affected my life in ways that I even I don't think I fully realize yet. Their mark will be forever on me.

But in the immortal words of Dr. Seuss: “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”